If Mama Ain’t Happy…

Photo Credit: jonathan mcintosh via Compfight cc

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Today=a Happy Day!! Sort of. My globe-trotting husband is back from eight days spent gallivanting around Turkey, Georgia, and Armenia (OK, he wasn’t really gallivanting, it was for work, but really, how awesome is that?). So now he is home, but he’s sick. Boo! And he’s really only home for today (and he will spend it in bed, sleeping) and then he’s on the move again, headed for Chi Alpha services at the University of Northern Iowa and then youth convention this weekend and a service out of town this Sunday. So we might actually see him again next Monday! 🙂

Please don’t think I’m complaining, because if you’re involved in ministry this probably sounds vaguely familiar to you as well. Ministry life is all about sharing. Your husband, your family, your time, your heart. And it’s a great life! But too much sharing, and not enough time for each other or yourself (especially if you’re an introvert like me), can start to wear away your joy. Healthy boundaries are the key to surviving in the middle of ministry demands. I know that my husband enjoys being busy–he thrives on it–and is generally not happy sitting around twiddling his thumbs.  With that said, I feel loved when we spend time together. So we make it a priority to have a weekly date night. Things often pop up to get in the way, but we have to make it non-negotiable or else my family understands the full meaning of the phrase “when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” 🙂

That’s one of the ways that we stay connected with each other, but I would love to hear what you do!  I’m always looking for creative ways to thrive as a family in ministry.

How do you stay connected with your spouse in the middle of a hectic ministry life?

What are some boundaries that you’ve established that seem to help?

What have been some of your best ways to stay engaged with your children that ensures they aren’t being overlooked in the busyness of life?

Coping with Mommy Overload

Photo Credit: achimh via Compfight cc

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Living in the Delhi metro area was a Godsend for me. Some people enjoy the quiet village life, but it was not for me. Especially with two small children. I needed to get out–to have somewhere to go! That was one of the things that my counselor stressed–I needed to find a way to recreate some of my coping-with-life-with-two-toddlers strategies from the States.

One of my rituals in the States, when I was on mommy overload, was to strap both of my kids into their car seats and drive (oh, how I would drive!) to the Starbucks that was 30 minutes away from my house. Was there one closer? Sure. But then I wouldn’t have had an hour (just one sweet hour, that’s all I needed) of the sheer bliss that is two small children confined to one spot with no possible way of escape. They could cry, but they were safe with minimal supervision, and I was sane with my foot on the gas pedal and a chai in my hand.

When we moved to India all of that freedom, and that method of coping with stress, evaporated. I couldn’t drive anywhere. (I do not have the stress threshold required to deal with driving in Indian traffic!) Living in the mountain village there was nowhere to go that didn’t require even more vigilance than just staying home (which equaled zero mommy breaks and near insanity), but when we moved to the Delhi area my husband hired a driver and a whole new world opened up. Life suddenly became a little brighter with the return of some freedom and mobility…

 

To Be or Not to Be…It’s Not Really a Question

Photo Credit: __MaRiNa__ via Compfight cc

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Have you ever found yourself “working so hard for Jesus” that your attitude went sour and you suddenly realized that you resented everything you were doing. I have. I’ve run around like a cat with a bag clip clamped on it’s tail “doing things for Jesus,” only to realize that I was really doing them for me–for my glory. So someone would look at me and say “Wow! She’s amazing. Look what she’s doing.” And Jesus kind of got lost in the chaos. I’m not sure how well I was really representing him, and our relationship was certainly suffering. Unfortunately, I’m so hard-headed that it took moving to the other side of the world and having all of my “ministry opportunities” stripped from me to understand this.

So the question of the day is: Is it okay to “be” in relationship with Jesus instead of “doing” things for him? Culture sometimes says no, but Jesus says yes. When we are “being” children of God everything else falls into place. Jesus makes it simple. He only asks two things from us. Love God and love people. That’s it! But we can’t do either of those things well if we’re too exhausted from “serving” him to think straight.

There is a freedom and a joy in discovering what God really desires from you, and knowing that he has no intention of wearing you out and bringing you to the brink of exhaustion and burnout. Jesus said in Matthew 11, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (The Message–emphasis added)

Don’t get me wrong, this is not an excuse to do nothing. But “being” is about who we are–not about what we do. When who we are comes from living in vibrant relationship with Jesus good things flow out of us, and for the right reasons. There is a verse in Galatians about this that rocked my face off. Paul wrote, “The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.” (The Message–emphasis added) Wow! I couldn’t say it any better.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve found that when I enter into the things that God is doing for me I’m not exhausted and burnt-out, I’m rejuvenated and recharged.  God delights in seeing us use the things we love and the gifts he’s given us to glorify him. I’ve found that saying no to some things (even good things), so I can be free to say yes to what Jesus is really asking of me, allows me to love God and others more powerfully and truly.

Is there anything heavy or ill-fitting that you’ve put on yourself that Jesus is inviting you to relinquish?

What have you given up that brings you joy because you’re too busy to pursue it anymore?

What is God arranging for you? Are you ready to embrace it?

Eating Off the Street

Photo Credit: Keith Bacongco via Compfight cc

One of the things we learned a lot about before going to India as missionaries was food safety.  How to prepare food and what to avoid so that, hopefully, you could keep from spending all of your time in the bathroom!

Well, shortly after our arrival in India, some friends were telling us about their upcoming trip to Thailand.  Tilly* was gushing, “It’s so clean there that you can eat food off the street!”  That stopped me cold.  I had visions of my two small children eating an egg off of the sidewalk.  I thought Why in the world would I want to eat my food off the street?  I don’t care how clean it is!

I was too embarrassed to ask her what she meant.  It was only later that I realized she was referring to eating food from street vendors!  It still makes me laugh thinking about it!

*Name has been changed

You’re So Vain

Photo Credit: juicyrai via Compfight cc

It was another hot, sticky day in Northern India, and we were on our way to a small village about two hours from our home where Jonathan was to preach that morning.  After lurching through one last pothole, we finally arrived in the village and were ushered inside the small one-room structure where the church met.

The pastor and the people were very welcoming and had prepared lovely marigold garlands which they placed around our necks.  However, I noticed that when Jonathan was introduced and went up to preach he left the garland behind.  It was forming an orange coil on the seat next to me.  I thought it might be because he’s allergic to flowers.  Regardless, I thought it was strange (and a little rude!) that he would remove their gift…

Jonathan preached the entire message and I noticed some furtive glances cast in my direction periodically.  After he was finished, Jonathan took my elbow and said, “You’re supposed to take the garland off.  If you don’t it means you’re really vain.”  I thought, Now you tell me!  Now that I’ve been wearing it for the past hour.  That’s me, the vain American. 🙂

Ah, the joy of cultural ignorance!

Bucking Bulls and Ambiguity

Photo Credit: Al_HikesAZ via Compfight cc

One of the things that threw me faster than a bucking bull knocking a cornflake off his back was the ambiguity of life in missions. It is what you make it to be. Before we became missionaries we had been happily working as youth/worship pastors at a church in Des Moines. Our roles, and the expectations, were clearly defined. I knew where I fit into the big picture of our ministry and what that looked like on a day-to-day basis.

Insert India into my life and everything changed. India has a way of doing that! I no longer had a defined role or set of expectations. Outside of learning the language, our options were limitless–and overwhelming. I was being given an opportunity to basically reinvent myself and the way ministry looked for me, and I was paralyzed.

My husband is an amazing man and an incredible minister, and for most of our married life, and certainly in ministry, I had been hiding behind him. Mostly out of fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, that people wouldn’t like me, or that I would say or do the wrong thing (all things I still deal with!). I didn’t realize it at the time, but God was inviting me to step out of hiding and begin to walk out the individual call that he had just for me. Of course, Jonathan and I still have a call to do ministry together as well–and I love that!–but God had something for which he had uniquely equipped me. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to figure that out–and I’ve only recently started doing it! It’s been a long road of God whittling away my excuses!

Many of us, especially us women, will have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves and the roles we play over and over again in our lifetimes. In our families, our careers, and in serving Jesus. Very few, if any, of us will occupy a static role for our entire lives. From someone who’s finally(!) being obedient to God’s direction in her own life, I want to encourage you to listen to the voice of God and don’t be afraid to celebrate the new seasons and step out of hiding. Someone’s waiting for you to be obedient to whatever God is calling you to do.

Has God been speaking to you about something that you are uniquely gifted to do?

What’s keeping you from doing it? Education? Opportunity?

What can you do to remove the obstacles?

 

On Cramped Quarters and Wonderful Friends

When we finally moved to the Delhi area we still had no home.  But we did have friends, and one of those friends was willing to take our family of four into their home for five weeks!  You might expect that two families of four sharing a small three bedroom apartment would be disastrous, but it turned out to be exactly what we needed.  (Just a side note, you know someone is a true friend when, after living with each other for five weeks, you still enjoy one another’s company!)

Our friends Michael and Melissa* (once again not their real names) graciously invited us into their home and their lives.  We shared meals in the evenings, and Melissa and I talked for hours during the day while our kids (who were the same ages) played together.  It was during this time that I was finally able to take a breath, to stop and reflect on everything that had taken place over the past six months.

We began to build a routine and start moving the pieces around to start life and ministry in the Delhi area (not a fast process, by the way).  One of the things that began to emerge as an area of ministry that I could be involved in with two small children was hospitality.  I could bless people through opening up my home.  Delhi is a huge hub; people from our organization were constantly coming and going while traveling either in and out of the country or within India’s borders.  Experiencing the restorative power of a quiet, clean place, first in Thailand, at my counselor’s guest house, and then at our friends’ in Delhi, I knew I wanted to create a welcoming and peaceful environment for guests.

It seemed like everything was coming together nicely…

 

Confessions of an Imperfect Christian–#3

He’s a good man! He puts up with me!

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Confession #3:  I don’t do what I say.

I used to think it was quirky.  I was spontaneous, living on a whim.  I just couldn’t be constrained by such mundane things as commitments, promises, and deadlines.  I needed to be free to be flexible!  In February I told my husband, Jonathan, that I would do the Daniel Fast with him for six weeks….sometime around week two I started to fudge it (yum, fudge!) and decided that I only needed to eat like that during the week.  So I started to eat whatever I wanted on the weekend while Jonathan continued with his steady stream of beans and vegetables.  While he looked at me over a bowl of asparagus, I thought What’s the big deal?  It’s just a diet.  Sure, I had told him I was in for six long weeks of dietary torture but, really, five days out of seven isn’t bad.  Right?  I thought it was a small thing, but the more I thought about it, the more it started to nag me.

In fact, the more I thought about it the more I began to realize it wasn’t an isolated incident.  It was part of a pattern that I had been establishing.  I squirmed thinking about the backhanded promises I had made to my kids to do some thing or another and then never followed through with.  Of course I was keeping the big commitments to my husband and our marriage, but all these little things were starting to pile up.  All the things that I thought were small things were adding up to one very big thing; I was becoming an untrustworthy and unreliable wife, mother, and friend.

It wasn’t just a quirk, it was a character flaw.  Over the years I have been on the receiving end of this same behavior and I did not like it.  Not. At. All.  So I knew from personal experience that this particular flaw could damage a relationship.  I now had a picture of what I could be–what I would be–a few years down the road if I didn’t make the choice to be different.  I wish I could say that I’ve got this one mastered, but it’s dying a slow death, hanging around much longer than I would like, but I’m grateful that God has allowed me to recognize it and is helping me take steps to change!

*Happy Spring Break everybody (that gets to enjoy such a luxury!).  In honor of the occasion (and to save a little sanity on my end), I will not be blogging on Friday.  See you Monday!

Ruffled and Shuffled

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

We wrapped up our time and counseling in Thailand and proceeded straight to limbo.  Over the past seven months we had gone from living with family (before we went to India), to my own piece of purgatory on the mountainside, and then various guest houses, hotels, and friends’ houses.  I was starting to feel more shuffled than a deck of cards at a Vegas casino.

Ultimately, our hope was to land in the Delhi area, but some things needed to take place before that could happen.  So, we went to Bangalore.  Temporarily.  I questioned that move over and over in my mind; why we had to live in a continuous state of rootlessness.  No matter which angle I viewed it from I couldn’t see the point.  My kids were two and four and, like most children, they craved stability and routine–I couldn’t give them either of those.  Everything around us felt temporary and hard to connect with until we met Dev* (not his real name–sorry about all the “not their real names” disclaimers, some of these people still live in sensitive areas and I don’t want to cause any problems for them).

From the beginning of our marriage, Jonathan and I have always lived apart from family.  But somehow, in each place that we’ve lived God has given us people that felt like family, and who’ve adopted us in to their hearts.  Dev was one of these gifts.  Jonathan called him his “brother from another mother.”  Looking back I can see that living in Bangalore was worth it, if for no other reason than the relationship that was built with Dev.  A realization was starting to dawn on me that maybe I just needed to relax and start trusting that God was working behind the scenes on my behalf.  But this trust thing was not going to come easy…

 

Is it Wow Worthy?

One of the world’s wow-worthy monuments

This goes out to all my fellow friends involved in various types of ministry.  I would love your feedback on this one (really, I’d love your feedback on anything I write, but I really want to hear your thoughts about this).

I’ve been reading Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by Michael Hyatt, the former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing.  In the first few chapters he talks about the necessity of creating a product or experience that is wow-worthy.  He spends most of his time dissecting products/experiences in the corporate realm, but it got my mind spinning off towards ministry and the how and why behind what we do.

As ministers and Christ-followers we have the most wow-worthy message around–Jesus–but sometimes we don’t present him in a manner that wows.  Instead, we settle for mediocrity and excuses for why we can’t do better (when I say “we” I am definitely including myself, in fact my excuses generally pander to my technophobia–Argh!).  There’s not enough money, people, time….and the list goes on and on.  If we’re honest, we’d admit there’s never going to be enough of those things, so there could be no end to our excuses.  While all of those things can certainly be barriers telling us what we can’t do, we can’t let them keep us from asking what we can do.  When I read Hyatt’s solution it was so simple it was genius!

He suggested evaluating two things.  What are people’s expectations when it comes to your product or service?  And how can you exceed those expectations?  Pretty simple, right?  Just two questions.  But sometimes simple is exactly what I need to start thinking practically instead of just theoretically.  It’s the jolt of electricity I need to get me moving in the right direction.  If you break every detail of what you do down into its component parts and evaluate them through those two lenses what do you see?  It’s not rocket science, but it has the potential to be just as revolutionary.

What are some expectations that people have when they encounter the ministry you’re involved in?

What are some specific ways you can exceed their expectations?

What might be the result?

Feel free to leave your answers in the comments   

 

 

I Miss Him!

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

After the women’s retreat we hung around Bangkok for a few more days. One of those days being a Sunday, we wound up at an international church that was being pastored by the former president of the Bible college of which my husband was a graduate.

I came to the service grumpy, resentful, and very much against my will.  But when the worship music began something inside of me broke.  I could feel God’s presence around me in a way that I hadn’t since the whole ordeal began.  Charles Templeton, a writer and commentator who came face to face with his doubts about the character of God and ultimately rejected his faith, was interviewed by Lee Strobel for his book The Case for Faith.  When Templeton, a self-proclaimed atheist, was asked about Jesus he broke down weeping and confessed, “I miss him.”

In that moment I could relate to Templeton’s grief.  I missed Jesus too.  Standing in the presence of God that day, I realized that even though I was angry, hurt, and confused–I missed Jesus desperately!  I knew I couldn’t keep going without him.  However, I wasn’t willing to stop asking the questions about suffering and injustice that had been screaming through my brain (nor do I think I was supposed to), but I was finally willing to start listening to the answers that God was trying to speak to me through circumstances, people, books, and the Bible (really, just about everything in my life).  He was orchestrating every experience, meeting, and word to reveal the answers that I was seeking as well as his desire for me to know him better.  God had been making huge strides towards me (looking back I can see that plainly), but that day was the first small step I made towards him, and the first step in a journey that was going to be difficult, but beyond compare…

 

You Know You’re a Missionary When…

Top 8 Ways You Know You’re a Missionary:

8.  It’s only 10 AM and your power has already been cut–twice–and you’re not sure if it will come back on again, or who you should call if it doesn’t.

7.  You’ve spent way more time discussing your bathroom habits than you ever thought possible.

6.  You know that a family of 6 can (and does!) fit on a small motorcycle!

5.  In the process of learning a new language you’ve forgotten how to read your own.

4.  You’ve had to ask either a visitor to your country or a new missionary if food actually tastes good, because you’re pretty sure your taste buds are failing you.

3.  Your definition of clean has changed dramatically, and your personal hygiene now includes something called a “bucket bath.”

2.  Your stuff has been stolen, not by people, but by animals that you’ve only previously ever seen in cages.

1.  While home on itineration/furlough, someone asks you if you’re having a nice vacation!

Confessions of an Imperfect Christian–2nd Installment

Judgment=thinking I’m “way better” (corny, I know!  But I couldn’t resist, and these chips are good)

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Confession #2:

I am judgmental.  In my last confession I confessed that I can be a real hypocrite, but that I started viewing others with more grace when I finally realized the depth of my own sin and the true condition of my heart.

Unfortunately, that newfound grace did not translate very well to people within the church.  People who, from the outside looking in, seemed to be the “perfect” Christians (whatever that means).  I saw them every week, rushing to the Bible class they taught, or the small group they led, and I felt the weight of unspoken expectations and questions of why I wasn’t “involved” fall on my shoulders, and I judged them for judging me.  Whether the judgment I felt was real or perceived, who knows?  And it’s not really the point.  The point is I had traded one judgmental attitude for another!  In turning off my judgment of fellow sinners, I found a new, more zealous judgment for people who were followers of Jesus.

The thing is, judgment is like kidney stones.  They’re pretty easy to pass, but painful for everyone involved.  And once they’ve been in your system, it’s really hard to keep them from coming back.  I thought I had conquered my judgmental thoughts, only to have them boomerang back with a new target.

It was an ugly attitude that ultimately led to a season of isolation and loneliness, because everyone was “too judgey” to befriend.  I look back now and realize I was the  judgmental one.  Once I got to know those people, I realized they hadn’t been judging me at all, and it was my own perceptions and judgments that had gotten in the way.  Again!

Now…about all of you Christians who have all the answers, don’t get me started!  🙂  Just kidding!

Have you ever felt judged by someone–and responded with judgement?  Did it turn out well?

The God of the Strawberry Patch

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Reopening the communication lines between me and God was a tough project, and one that I still wasn’t too sure about.  Most of the words coming from my mouth were biting accusations and blame.  It was going to take a lot to get through to me.

In the middle of my two-week-long counseling session we flew back to Bangkok for a retreat with all of the missionary ladies that served in our area of the world.  Walking into that room full of women I wondered if any of them knew how I felt, or if they had it all together and I was the lone weirdo struggling just to live one day to the next.  I was about to get my answer.

One missionary stood up and shared about her anger with God that had developed as she watched her dying mother suffer excruciating pain.  She said one night, in the midst of caring for her mom, she had a dream.  In it she was climbing a steep, shale-like mountain face.  There were no hand or foot holds and she was crying out for help as she clawed desperately at the side of the mountain.  Suddenly, tucked on a small outcropping, she saw a strawberry patch.  She explained that strawberries were her favorite fruit and one that she couldn’t eat in the country where she served because they absorb everything from the soil they grow in.  Weeping, she said, “In that moment, God whispered to me ‘I’m the God of the strawberry patch, not the mountain cliff.’”  She explained that she learned God was not the source of her pain, but instead, like a good father, he wanted to delight her with good things even in the midst of very difficult circumstances.

Something about what she said rang true, even though that hadn’t really been my experience or understanding of God up to that point.  But maybe my understanding was wrong.

 

When You Ask to Know God Better

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

When my counselor, “Jane,” looked at me and said she thought that God was giving me a gift in the midst of all of the pain I was experiencing I thought, Hmmm…this lady might be a little bats!   But she seemed so sincere that I figured I would hear her out anyway.

As we talked, she ferreted out the memory of a prayer that I had prayed several years back; one in which I asked to know God better.  She looked at me and said, “This is it.  This is your chance.  He’s taking you up on that prayer.”

Now I had a decision to make.

Was I interested in knowing God better anymore?  Because, at this point, I had pretty much decided that he couldn’t possibly be good, with everything that I’d seen and everything that was happening in my own life.  And if he wasn’t good, then I didn’t want anything to do with him…

But something about the idea that God was giving me a chance to know him better was appealing.  I couldn’t escape the urge to find out what he was trying to show me.

During this initial evaluation with Jane, she took me to a new doctor, one that took some time to talk with me and really listened to what I had to say.  I came away from that appointment with a different diagnosis than the one I received in Bangkok.  Anxiety and PTSD.  I thought PTSD was for combat veterans and people who had endured extreme violence–and I didn’t have any physical scars or visible injuries.  What I didn’t realize was that my environment had been warring with my mind and emotions and, so far, I had been on the losing end.

Jane also encouraged me to read.  So I started reading…a lot.  Disappointment with God, The Ragamuffin Gospel, to name a few of the best ones.  As I read, and found some rest from the mental assault that had been taking place in India, my mind began to make room for something besides mere survival, and I was finally willing to reopen the communication lines between me and God…

 

Confessions of an Imperfect Christian

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

My plan is for the Confessions… series to become a regular part of the blog, but we’ll see just how much confessing I can stand!

Confession #1:

I’m a sinner.  Shocking, I know.  But seriously, what is shocking is that I lived my life, up until a few years ago, as if that wasn’t the case.  Sure, I knew that I was a sinner, I had read it repeatedly in the Bible and memorized verses that spelled it out in black and white, but I never really knew it.  In fact, I never would have admitted this out loud, of course, but I felt like I pretty much had the whole Christian living thing down.  Asked Jesus into my heart? (Um, when I was 5-years-old)  Check.  Didn’t cuss?  Check.  Youth pastor’s wife?  Check.  I was mentally checking off the boxes on my “good Christian” checklist without ever recognizing that, deep down, I was a Pharisee.  If you’ve read anything about them in the Bible you know that they were known for all the things they were against, and Jesus repeatedly rebuked them for getting between him and people who really needed him with all of their religious rules.  But when we moved to India in 2007, I was finally confronted with how much I had in common with those reviled religious leaders of old.

Spiritually speaking, living in India was like walking into a cage full of brown bears with a salmon strapped to my chest.  It was a daily assault, and in the midst of the pressure cooker of Third World living my religious facade began to crack, and I began to see the true condition of my heart in a way that I never had before.  What I saw wasn’t pretty.  But everything changed the day I stood, shaking with a rage (about something stupid, loud Divali music) like I had never felt before, and I realized that, in that moment, I was capable of a level of violence that I never imagined possible (I didn’t act on it, in case any of you are worried) but that’s when it finally hit me.  I was (am) a wreck without Jesus.  I am a sinner, and I needed someone to rescue me from myself.  In that moment I realized that my sins weren’t any smaller or bigger than the brothel madam or the murderer in prison–in the eyes of Jesus they were the same–we were the same.  Up until that point I had found it very easy to look down my nose (or turn it up in disgust) at all of the other “sinners” that I encountered, until I realized that I was just like them.  The only difference was Jesus, and his grace and forgiveness.

The book of Luke recounts a story that Jesus told to Simon, a Pharisee, in response to his disgust that Jesus would allow a prostitute to wash his feet with her tears and hair.  Jesus said, “‘Two men were in debt to a banker.  One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty.  Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts.  Which of the two would be more grateful?’

Simon answered, ‘I suppose the one who was forgiven the most.’

‘That’s right,’ said Jesus…(speaking of the prostitute, he said) ””  (Luke 7:41-47  The Message)

Reading that passage, I weep for all of the years that my gratitude was so minimal because I believed I needed so little forgiveness.  Now I know better, and I am so very, very grateful for God’s love and grace, and the opportunity to share it with others!

Have you ever been guilty of knowing something about God but not really knowing it in your heart? 

How has that affected your relationship with people around you? 

Creativity in the Church

The network staff here in Iowa is gearing up for an annual conference for students called Fine Arts Festival.  It’s an amazing platform where junior high and high school students are encouraged to develop and display their God-given talents in music, photography, writing, art, preaching, etc.  And I LOVE it!  Some of the art that these kids produce is truly stunning.  But I want to start a conversation about creativity within the church (and I really hope that someone will respond, because otherwise it’s just me talking and that’s not a conversation–I bet you’re glad I just defined what a conversation is for you 🙂 So, what I’m thinking about right now is…

what happens after these students graduate?  Is there a place for those gifts (especially the creative ones, the ones that aren’t traditionally used inside the church) to continue to be developed, and then are they encouraged to utilize them–even if it takes them outside the four walls of the church?  Does something have to be overtly “Christian” to have value in the church?  Are we, as the church, not utilizing (or valuing) some of the less obvious gifts that people have been given?

I believe, creatively speaking, the church should have some of the most original and creative people on the planet.  But I think we have yet to unlock the potential of all the unique gifts that God has given to each of us.  There’s more!…if we have the courage to think outside the box and the four walls of the church.  I think sometimes we overemphasize the importance of vocational ministry, and ministry inside the walls of the church (and please understand that I’m not minimizing it!), and overlook the equally important task of marketplace ministry.  If all of the creativity that God has placed within his people were unleashed on a community, and the world, I can’t even imagine what that would look like, but I want to!

If you have a thought, answer, or question of your own to add, I want to hear it!  As you can see, I have a lot of questions, and I don’t have all the answers.  So please, add your voice.

The Gift

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Honesty.  Sometimes, you have to admit, it’s overrated, (and sometimes you just don’t want to be honest, like today, I’m cringing as I write this because I don’t know how people will respond!) but as I was battling anxiety, depression, and feelings of abandonment, I was more honest with God than I had ever been before.  I’d heard my whole life that I needed to pour out my soul to God, tell him anything and everything, but I didn’t think anyone actually meant that.  I mean, are you really supposed to tell God that you feel like you’ve been duped by placing your trust in him?  I felt like a kid who asked for a bike for Christmas and got a package of underwear instead–just underwear (seriously?).  But I was at the bottom of the proverbial barrel, and pretending like everything was good, and I was fine, was not working anymore.  So I let God know (often) that I felt like the Titanic, and I thought he might be the iceberg that had delivered the fatal blow, or at the very least, failed to rescue me. In other words, I thought he was really blowing it.

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I knew I didn’t have the whole story; and when I met “Jane,” my counselor, some pieces of that story began to fall into place.  During one of our very first conversations after she listened to my story, we were sitting in Jane’s SUV in front of a strip mall in Chiang Mai, and she looked at me and said, “You’ve been given a gift.  Now you just have to figure out how to unwrap it.”  It was the last thing I expected to hear, and really, I thought she might be a little crazy.  But I was willing to listen to how she thought all of this might actually end up being a gift.

 

4 Ways to Help a Hurting Friend (and be a better listener)

1. Don’t Compare Your Stories.  Sure, when I’m going through something I want to know that the person in whom I’m confiding shares some similar experiences, but there’s a fine line between common ground and invalidation.  If everything they say elicits a “Oh yeah, I remember when that happened to me,” response from you–you can pretty much guarantee they’ll find someone else to talk to next time. (So if that’s not your goal 🙂 adjust accordingly!)   

2. Be Present.  I’m going to state the obvious (although maybe it’s not as obvious as it should be).  Don’t answer or make a phone call, send a text message, tweet, update your Facebook status etc…, while a friend is sharing with you.  And don’t try to formulate a witty or meaningful response to what she’s saying; it only distracts you from truly listening.  Most of the time she’s not looking for you to fix it, she just wants to talk it through.  

3. Don’t Interrupt.  I put this one towards the bottom of the list because…UGH!  I have a really hard time with this one.  My husband tells me I have a really bad habit of doing this (thank you very much, honey!), and I’m trying to do better.  When I interrupt it’s normally because I don’t want to forget what I was going to say–but when I’m supposed to be listening it doesn’t matter what I wanted to say (see #2).  Worse yet, when I interrupt I might cause my friend to forget what she was saying!

4. Maintain Confidentiality.  This one is huge!  The root word of confidentiality is confident, and it speaks to building trust.  I don’t know about you, but I want my friends to be confident that when they share something with me it won’t end up on social media or in the ear of someone else.  When a friend places her trust in you, don’t betray it!  Simple. As. That. 🙂

It’s Not Safe

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

When we began traveling around the country raising support to go on the mission field, we were asked several variations of what would you do if something bad happens to your children while you’re in India?  I think I cheerfully responded, “There’s no safer place to be than in the center of God’s will.”  I retract that statement.  It betrayed my naive worldview which was being rocked to its very core, because in the middle of my storm of anxiety and depression I was anything but safe–emotionally or spiritually.

Ultimately (meaning heaven) there is no safer place to be, but in this life, even when we’re doing exactly what God has asked us to, He doesn’t promise us safety.  If that were true there would have never been, and will never be any more, martyrs.  But he does promise us his presence when we walk through hard times, and often it’s in those hard times that we experience a fullness and sweetness in our relationship with Jesus that defies description.  I wasn’t there yet, but God hadn’t given up on me either.  And in just a few days I was going to meet “Jane” (not her real name), my wonderful counselor, whom God would use to speak to me in a profound way.

 

Get Real

Let’s leave the masks to Nacho Libre and Spiderman

On my route to Target (love that place!), there’s a giant sky blue billboard for the Better Business Bureau that declares simply, “Start with Trust.”  That’s a great slogan for the BBB, but for almost anything else in life, especially relationships, such a difficult thing to do.  Those three simple words got me thinking about all the things I place my trust in…airplanes, my deep freeze, my hair stylist, my husband, God, and a few sweet friends.  The more I thought about it I realized that I put my trust in objects much more easily than I do people, and sometimes, even God.  With people, the stakes are so much higher, and the potential for hurt so much greater.  If my hair stylist lets me down and I end up with a mullet–it grows out (I would probably cry every day until it does, but it would grow!)  So far, with each of my many trips in an airplane, I’ve arrived at my destination in one piece (although there were a few trips with Air India that I wondered).  And when my deep freeze was on the fritz and I ended up with a bunch of rotten meat, I was bummed out, but we replaced it.  However, when a friend that I’ve trusted breaks that trust–it hurts, and it’s not something that I can easily fix.  But trust is the starting point of any relationship where we can be honest, transparent, and vulnerable; and if we never get to that point in our relationships we risk never experiencing all that God has for us.

Vulnerability, or it’s cousin–authenticity, is something that everyone craves–I know I do.  But craving it and achieving it are two very different things.  In my experience, you have to first give it to receive it, and that’s hard to do.  It’s never easy to lay your heart out in front of another person.  However, nearly every time that I’ve been honest and vulnerable God has used it to help someone else–and often times that person is me.  There’s so much freedom in realizing we don’t have to be perfect, because none of us are!  I think it would be great if we started creating a culture in our circles of influence where people are free to be vulnerable and honest without fear of judgment or rejection, and instead, they would know that as they share their struggles we’ll be there to encourage them and cheer them on on their journey.  We need each other, and we need each other to be real!

Abandoned

I’ve started a new blog at www.droppingtheact.com. Check it out for the latest content.

Looking back, the path that led me to anxiety and depression was not a straight one. It was more like stacking an impossibly high tower of blocks, each block representing a different aspect of my life in India, that was bound to topple as each new and overwhelming experience was piled on.

(You’re about to learn more about me than you probably care to know, but…) I’m an introvert, who can tend to spend way too much time inside my own head.  I also have an empathetic spirit, but I don’t like to show my emotions.  So I tend to take difficult, sad things and internalize them.  That turned out to be a devastating combination, spelling big trouble for me in India where nearly every place I looked was full of extreme poverty and need.

I would walk or ride down the street only to have a never-ending stream of dusty hands reaching out, begging, for a few rupees or something to fill their hungry stomachs.  Tin shacks, lining the streets, gave little protection from the elements.  Everywhere I looked a desperate face peered back.

Faced, for the first time in my life, with such destitution and hopelessness an ugly question started to creep into my soul.  God, if you’re good, why do so many people suffer so terribly day after day with little hope of seeing anything change?  It was the first time I had ever really allowed myself to question my beliefs, but, faced with my new reality, it was unavoidable.  I had to know the answer.

That seemed to open up a gauntlet, and as my personal struggle with anxiety and depression worsened, with panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, I began to feel abandoned by God.  I moved from questioning God’s goodness to doubting that he was good at all.  And then I got really angry…

(To be continued tomorrow…)