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I was scared this past weekend. I sat down with a lovely woman at the Re:write conference I attended to gather some information about possibly self-publishing my book Holy Doubt. She looked at me and uttered these words that sent ice through my veins: “What’s your vision for your book?” Seems like a rather innocent and obvious question to ask, doesn’t it?
But I sat there speechless. I couldn’t answer intelligibly. I’m pretty sure only gibberish came out! Because up to this point I was just being obedient getting the words on the page and hadn’t given much thought to what would happen with it afterwards. I think I imagined it dwelling in some nebulous cloud and then magically dropping into people’s hands at the right moment. Great marketing plan, right?!
Her question sparked something in me though. I went back to my room and asked God for his vision for my book (because I wouldn’t even have a story if it weren’t for him). And then I remembered why I hadn’t done this before! Um, Scary. The same kind of scary that made me scream at a decibel that would shatter glass and (maybe, possibly) piddle on the carpet when my husband burst out of my daughter’s closet yelling “Boo!” while I was tucking her into bed a few weeks ago.
God’s vision scares me. It overwhelms me. I hadn’t asked, because I generally like my own smaller vision better. The one that I can control and manage myself. I rarely realize what a control freak I am, but I’m human and I like to know what the end game is, calculate my risks, weigh all my options. But how much are we missing when we don’t ask God what his vision is for our lives, including the specific things he’s given us to do? I had been obedient up to a certain point and then I chose to leave God out of a process that he had been integral in from the very beginning. Wow! Not what I had intended to do at all. Funny how God can use a single question to rewrite our lives!
So now I’m choosing to step out of the fear and into God’s vision. What about you? What has God given you to do that scares you? Ask him to help you move beyond the fear. The world is waiting for God’s vision to be lived through you!
Erica Barthalow 